recovery

I gave up on genuinely writing this blog many months ago. I had a huge blackout that started at the end of last year, too many poisonous questions were popping out in my head : what for, who needs this, should I continue... and not only concerning the writing or photography but life in general (which sounds terrifying and it is). Feeling hopeless and useless I stopped creating for myself, taking only commands for other people which made me feel like an animal stuck in a swamp with no will to move because of the fear to sink deeper. I know everybody has those moments of doubts but it's different when you experience it all by yourself. Of course it is a known thing noone can pull you from that state except yourself. So I travelled in order to see new kind of beauty, met different people in order to hear their stories and pushed myself to make crazy experiences in order to feel again. It didn't worked immediately but step by step I started to live again.
I decided to make this blog more personal from now own first of all because I feel I need this and the second reason is that when I read personal things of other photographers or artists in general it makes me stronger, to see that they can be weak too and full of hesitations gives me courage to continue. And sometimes coming back and seeing all those old pictures and thoughts is a good thing and it makes me happy because I know I evolved and because some things I never want to forget, even the hard ones.
So no more questions just moving forward no matter what. It's going to be a mix of old thoughts and old shootings with my new experiences until I recover completely and devote myself to a present moment.

a no-make-up autoportrait I took few months ago when I started to emerge from my frozen state

Corsica : part I

when my dear friend Maëlle asked me to come to Corsica with her, I wasn't sure at first... but her force of persuasion is quite strong. one of the actors of her agency was playing a leading role in an historical short movie Les Excilés in there and invited us to spend some time together.
from the first second that we arrived in Calvi we felt in love with this place, we were almost always scouted by Corsican boys who were actors or the stuff of the movie. it was amazing, we felt like princesses !

there is something very soulful about Corsican people, very deep and artistic, it made me think about russian people and my life in Siberia. I feel at home and very peaceful on that land, it's like I have a special bound that brings me back there over and over again.
I've met so many great people in just 5 days it's crazy ! we've also spend one day on filming, I even did few shots on the set of the movie without getting killed by other official photographers.
I can feel that this movie is going to be a great success because all the people that participated have huge hearts and put a lot of love in this project.

the island is also very photogenic and you feel the creative rush all the time.
we did a lot of pictures with Maëlle of each other, and thanks to her I feel a bit better in my skin. our friendship growing stronger now and even though sometimes our relationship is volcanic we love each other even more. I hope that there will be many other trips like that very soon...
those are the pictures we took of each other in the place we were staying in Calvi and also in our friend's breathtaking hotel room in Ile Rousse.

special thanks to Jeremy ♥

last shoot at my old place

of course, all naturally, before I moved out from my cute little apartment my friend Nico was present and took few beautiful pictures of me...

all the pictures are taken by Nicolas Russon and edited by me

me by Nicolas Russon

these pictures of me were taken exactly a year ago by my friend Nicolas Russon. it was a very weird, complicated, transitional time for me but I like the ambience of those photos and the way I look. it's funny because I know Nico for 3 years and he is always there when something big is happening in my life, somehow he is a shoulder to cry on and the eye that captures me through the years in different episodes of my life... I'm very grateful for that.

all the pictures are taken by Nicolas Russon and edited by myself