Wednesday, May 21, 2014


it's been a while since I wrote about the feelings...
so here it comes.

I went in Moscou few weeks ago and even though it's not my hometown it touched me deeply. the last time I was here it was 11 years ago, back then I was a very unhappy teenager and I didn't liked it at all. but this time it was magical. many things changed but the essential good things about my people and my country are still the same : the beauty of the souls and the warmth of the heart.

I left my homeland about 13 years ago and never did my grieving. I was thinking I was tougher then that. but once in the plane on my way back to France, independently from my will, tears started to divide my face in many parts : who am I ? why did I left ? what if I have stayed ? should I go back and live in Russia ? ... so many thoughts and the most painful : I don't know where I belong. I kept crying for two planes, one train and few days after my return...

the weird thing is that almost at the same time my father, my mother and I found ourselves in Russia, separately. it's like it called us back. I didn't had a chance to go to my hometown - Irkutsk, it's been 5 years and I feel with every cell of my body that I miss it so much.

for many reasons this trip was moving : the end of a very painful relationship, realization that one part of my life was over, the fact that I had taken many bad decisions and didn't listened to my inner voice...
but after a hard comeback and a huge nostalgia I decided that I will always have two countries : one native land and one home land.

few days later my mom came back in France from Irkutsk and told me that the same thing happened to my little brother : he started to cry in the plane saying : "I want to stay here, I love it here"...
there is something about our souls, it tears us apart when we are leaving Russia.

P.S. I will never say enough "thank you" to my friend Masha, who received us and showed me everything and even more, love you girl !
view from guest room window :
Masha's parent's place :
me :
Masha's performance :
Radisson Royal Hotel :
Red Square model :
1st May in Kremlin :
White House :
Sparrow Hills :
Lomonosov Moscow State University :
Triumphal Arch of Moscow :
memorial to my beloved russian artist :
Novodevichy Convent :
Former factory building of the "Red October" confectionery :
evil :
subway :
view from Ostankino Tower :

No comments:

Post a Comment