Wednesday, April 10, 2013

love is not enough

how is it possible that two persons that love each other tenderly can hurt one another that much ?

you already herd the awful stories about toxic or unhealthy love but it always sounded so unreal and far away from you. so the day when it hits you and it's your turn to suffer you suddenly start to understand how it is actually difficult and painful to get through this kind of relationship without victims.

there are promises that will never be fulfilled, hopes that will never be realized, plans which will never come to life. fights are getting more ugly and painful, it's not clear who provokes it but the remission is hard and the pain is invasive.
of course there are also the good moments and when you living them it's so amazing and intense and you are the happiest person in the world thinking that it will always be like that and you've found your one and only. but then the bad days are coming : you are a total mess, you starting to have dark thoughts, you want to hurt the other person as bad as he/she hurts you. you don't recognize yourself anymore, it's not even you, it's the shadow of the other person's actions and words that turn you into somebody else.

most of the time the other half doesn't even understands you and can't get the things you feel, because you had different life experiences or have different values in relationships and so there is no comprehension at all. you can't say who is wrong and who is right, one can be highly emotional person whereas the other one emotionally unavailable or one can think that some kind of situation is totally unacceptable whereas the other one thinks it's all good and so on...
and the worst thing is that you don't even feel loved because there are only words and promises but almost all the actions of your beloved are showing the opposite.
you loose your wings that normally every person in love is having and there is no consolation at all. your are crushed.
the only way to stop it is to break your relationship, in order to safe yourself and the other person also, because more it lengths, more it hurts and more it destroys both of you or one of you.
of course it's easy to say because when you love leaving your dear one is the hardest thing in the world to do.
only one thing will help and heal your wounds - time. and also the hope that people can change, forgive, evolute and in this case if your love was that strong and true maybe you'll find each other hereafter if it's not too late. but if you love was more of an obsession, illusion, passion or any other feeling well in this case you did the right thing by ending this abnormal love.
my thoughts go to my deceased grand mother Liubov' (means Love in russian, how ironic) who ruined her youth, her health, her life because of love.

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